I want to start with the thing I most wish someone had said to me: if you’re in midlife and you’ve been quietly wondering why you can’t seem to get it together anymore — why you’re exhausted, foggy, and can’t summon the drive you used to — you are not lazy. You are not weak. And you are certainly not past it.

You’re a woman whose body has changed, and no one handed you the new rulebook. Let’s fix that.

Why the tiredness is real

The fatigue of perimenopause and menopause isn’t in your head, and it isn’t a character flaw. Falling and fluctuating oestrogen affects your sleep, your mood, your temperature regulation and the way your body uses energy. Add broken nights — the 3am wide-awake club so many of us know — and of course you’re running on empty by 2pm.

When you’re that depleted, “just push through” and “have more willpower” aren’t only unkind, they’re useless advice. You can’t discipline your way out of a genuine physiological shift. And every time we blame ourselves for it, we add a layer of guilt on top of the tiredness, which helps no one.

The trap of doing more

Here’s what usually happens next. We feel sluggish and heavier, so we decide to do more — more cardio, more restriction, earlier alarms, stricter rules. And because we’re already depleted, that extra effort makes us feel worse, not better. We under-eat, so we’ve even less energy. We over-exercise, so we don’t recover. Then we conclude we’ve failed, when actually the plan was never going to work.

It’s a horrible loop, and I’ve watched so many capable, hard-working women get stuck in it — women who are anything but lazy.

What actually restores your energy

The way out isn’t more punishment. It’s the opposite. The things that genuinely rebuild energy in midlife are almost boringly kind:

Strength training, done gently and consistently, which improves how your body produces and uses energy over time. Eating enough — especially protein — because under-fuelling is one of the biggest hidden causes of midlife exhaustion. Protecting your sleep as if it were a medical appointment, because it very nearly is. And managing stress, because cortisol and exhausted adrenals make everything harder.

None of it is dramatic. All of it works. And crucially, it works with your body instead of against it.

Start absurdly small

When you’re exhausted, the last thing you need is a giant plan to fail at. So start smaller than feels impressive. One short strength session this week. A proper breakfast with some protein in it. Ten minutes earlier to bed. One walk.

Small, kind, repeatable — that’s what rebuilds you. Not a bootcamp. Momentum comes from doing something you can actually sustain, and then doing it again.

Be as kind to yourself as you’d be to a friend

If a friend told you she was shattered, foggy and struggling, you’d never call her lazy. You’d be gentle. You’d tell her to rest, eat properly, and be patient with herself. Please extend yourself the same kindness — because you’re not failing at this. You’re navigating a real change with very little support, and that deserves compassion, not criticism.

The energy can come back. The fog does lift. This stage genuinely gets better with the right, gentle approach — I see it in the women I coach every single week. But it starts with putting down the guilt.

You’re not lazy. You never were.

Marleen Konijnenberg is a pharmacologist and Women’s Health & Fitness Coach, and founder of FemVital. Her self-paced 6-week course, Strong Through Menopause, is built to help you rebuild strength and energy — gently, and for good.

General information, not medical advice. If persistent fatigue or low mood is affecting your life, please speak to your GP — sometimes there’s more going on that’s worth checking.